You're my little dorito
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
