how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it because I queefed?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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