were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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