I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am available for nakedness
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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