I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
