Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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