so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
