i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
