We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
