Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
