You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
