Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
