He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
