I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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