We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
