There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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