Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
