I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
