return my video game
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When are your genitals available?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
