He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
