I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
