Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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