I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
