I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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