You're my little dorito
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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