i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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