Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize