I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
