everyone is single if you try hard enough
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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