my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
