hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
