he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
