You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
