do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
