He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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