My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
