why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
