yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
