You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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