Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
