Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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