He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
