dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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