There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
