It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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