My first STD was from a foam party
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
