how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
