I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
