So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
