Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
