there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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