Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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