When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
