The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is classic penis vs brain.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
