you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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