i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
