You made me cry and you don't even care
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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