the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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