Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
