yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
