everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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