I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
