Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
