She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im holly from the hills drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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