Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
