he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When did angry sex become our thing?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize