We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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