Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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