TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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