i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
