They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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